great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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