Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
