you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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