eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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