just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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