READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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