What a fucking waste of an outfit
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize