I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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