did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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