She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
