Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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