I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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