Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
