My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
