I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
