Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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