Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
