There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
