so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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