I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
