I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
