I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
