I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
