I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
