Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
