The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
