we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
