Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
