who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
