i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
