Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
