epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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