yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a beard to bite.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
