He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
