Cold hands, warm shart.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
