Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize