Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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