Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
