So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
