I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
