Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The adults are the big ones right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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