I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
