I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
