Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
