dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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