Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
