So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
