Just fell off a train. Bad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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