i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
