yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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