My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
