He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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