Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
