So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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