i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize