Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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