you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
