I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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