I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a hot homeless man
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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