I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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