3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
