So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
