C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
