Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize