Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
