you have to choose: penises or morals?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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